Sacraments

Among other things, when my wife returned from Europe she brought along an ancient aluminum percolator, the kind you heat over a burner on the stove top. The unit makes one cup of coffee or, if you are having company over and prefer, two demitasses. Etched into the side of the urn is the word “Bialetti” — the name of the Italian maker — and the trademark, Dama.

Although coffee in our house is traditionally made in a 12-cup coffee maker by the first person up in the morning, since her return my wife has developed a preference for the small European unit. Even if there is hot coffee available when she descends the stairs to the kitchen, my wife will invariably make her own personal cup in the Bialetti Dama.

It’s not that my wife is particular about her coffee, or that she’s the type who needs to exert her individuality; but merely that the Bialetti urn was given to her by her mother, who is now 82 years old and aging rapidly like the rest of us. My mother-in-law had used the Dama most of her adult life to brew her coffee, and now my wife is following in her mother’s footsteps.

Although she hasn’t said so, I’m certain that when my wife pours her cup of morning coffee from the Bialetti urn, as she watches the dark caramel colored liquid swirl into the thin rimmed cup, she almost surely thinks of her mother as she had performed the same rite of passage every morning, day in day out, for decades.

In giving the urn as a gift, my mother-in-law offered her daughter a widow’s mite; for she has been a poor woman her entire life — poor, that is, in a material sense.

As I disassembled the Dama and washed the individual components at the sink this morning, I reflected that the Bialetti urn was in reality a sacrament of sorts — the outward and visible sign of my suegra‘s inward and spiritual grace.

“Bialetti Dama” 2012©Brian T. Maurer

“Notes from a Healer” — Those We Carry With Us

Some of us need more time to grow up than others. Some of us never seem to make that transition. more»

My latest installment of Notes from a Healer — Those We Carry With Us — is now online, newly published in the Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine.

The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine is an online journal fostering discussion about the culture of medicine, medical care, and experiences of illness. Interested readers can access a list of editorial board members and regular contributors here.

After work

It was not a particularly stressful Saturday morning to work in the office. Only three prescheduled physical examinations and a handful of sick children came in by morning’s end.

One child, a 1-month-old, my first patient of the morning, had colic. His mother reported that he wanted to feed constantly; whenever she didn’t give him a bottle he fretted, sucking on his fingers and hands. I had evaluated him one week ago for similar complaints. Since then the child gained 1-1/4 pounds, nearly three times the expected weekly weight gain. Obviously, she was overfeeding him. I suspected that part of the reason might have been because her first child was born prematurely and had a difficult time gaining weight.

Mothers nurture through feeding; a thriving baby exemplifies good maternal care, but sometimes too much of a good thing is not best.

As the morning wound down I ruminated behind my desk and reviewed the remainder of outstanding laboratory reports, signed off on a stack of physical examination forms and phoned in prescription renewals. The medical assistants finished with the filing and departed, locking the front door behind them.

I snugged the bow tie at the base of my throat, picked up my blue blazer and stepped out the side door. It was a short drive to the funeral home. By the time I arrived the lot was nearly filled with vehicles.

Inside people milled about, speaking in low tones, touching one another briefly on the arm or shoulder, exchanging whispered words. Some paused before the large displays of photographs mounted on easels in the hallway.

I stepped into the parlor, signed the guest book and found the end of the receiving line. There were stands of flowers everywhere, roses mostly — pink and red and white — done up in intricate arrangements identified by cards signed by family, friends and well-wishers.

A small silver urn stood in the center of the table; a golden crucifix rested against it. On either side lay two stacks of books — three on the left, two on the right. I noted the author of the two on the right — medical titles reflecting her area of expertise.

Most physicians don’t leave any written creative works behind; she had left two — these two texts, in addition to her two teenaged sons, who stood in the receiving line on either side of their father. Each of the three wore a pink tie. Pink, the color of the ribbon supporting breast cancer research; pink, the color of the delicate rose in full bloom; pink, the color of fading rose petals at the close of day.

My words were inadequate — “I’m sorry for your loss” — followed by handshakes and brief smiles.

“How are things at the office?” the father asked.

“Busy,” I said. “Back to school physical exams, you know. It’s the same every fall.”

He nodded. “Thanks for stopping by.”

I left by the side door and stepped out into the heat of the early afternoon sun.

As practicing clinicians we are granted the high privilege of glimpsing the struggles of families entrusted to our care. For brief periods were share in their triumphs, their joys and ultimately, their grief.

But many times it’s the grief that seems to linger the longest.

2012 © Brian T. Maurer

“Notes from a Healer” — Think Pink

Some hurts never leave us. Willingly, we choke down our daily pill; and the bitterness lingers. more»

My latest installment of Notes from a HealerThink Pink — is now online, newly published in the Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine.

The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine is an online journal fostering discussion about the culture of medicine, medical care, and experiences of illness. Interested readers can access a list of editorial board members and regular contributors here.

“Notes from a Healer” — A lot can happen in a year

A lot can happen in a year, and sometimes those changes last a lifetime. more»

My latest installment of Notes from a HealerA Lot Can Happen in a Year — is now online, newly published in the Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine.

The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine is an online journal fostering discussion about the culture of medicine, medical care, and experiences of illness. Interested readers can access a list of editorial board members and regular contributors here.

Remembering Dr. Howard Spiro

I first encountered Dr. Howard Spiro at a medical humanities conference in Williamstown, Massachusetts, some 20 years ago. As a guest speaker, Dr. Spiro shared the podium with Dr. Robert Coles. The two made quite a pair: both distinguished practitioners of the art of medicine; one from Harvard, the other from Yale. Dr. Spiro wore a brown bow tie that day. I recall that detail exactly, because it was the kind of bow tie you had to tie yourself; and I remember suppressing an impulsive urge to discreetly snug it up for him. Curiously, I didn’t actually make his personal acquaintance until nearly a decade later.

One evening in December of 2002 my friend and colleague Dr. David Elpern and I traveled to New Haven to attend an evening lecture at the Yale Humanities in Medicine program. During the drive down, Dr. Elpern told me that Dr. Spiro had founded the lecture series back in 1983. Later that evening over dinner at Mory’s, we learned from Dr. Spiro that he had gotten up a fledgling online journal of similar import, the Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine.

By that time a few of my early pieces had been published in JAMA and BMJ. Dr. Spiro was eager to hear all about them. I don’t recall whether he asked me to consider submitting something to YJHM at that time or not. At some point I did send him a piece, which he graciously accepted for publication.

Sometime later, after he offered to review my book Patients Are a Virtue, Dr. Spiro asked if I would consider doing a monthly column for the journal. “What would we call it?” I asked him. “Call it what you like,” he said. Shortly after that my “Notes from a Healer” began to appear in the electronic pages of YJHM.

And so began a collegial relationship that lasted up until the time of his death. (Dr. Spiro approved the submission for my March “Notes from a Healer” column days before entering the hospital for a cardiovascular event that would ultimately end his life.)

Every month for the past five years I would send Dr. Spiro a piece for the column, which he would critique, usually in a few brief lines, before okaying it for publication. These critiques were not those of a typical editor. Many times he would comment about something in his own life or how the piece I submitted moved him personally.

“Engineers are among the most difficult patients, for they are convinced there’s a detectable reason/cause for anything/everything.”

“Wise, indeed. One learns with age.”

“You are sounding more like O Henry with time.”

“Your usual beautiful turns. I confess I would have seen the opportunity/really the genius of America in their story, but suum cuique!”

Occasionally, he would point out a grammatical error; and red-faced, I would shoot off a corrected copy with my thanks appended. At some point, he would finally bestow his signature stamp of approval: “Imprimatur.”

Dr. Spiro rubbed shoulders with some of the medical greats of his era. Many times I only learned of these relationships through casual comments he would make on pieces I sent him. For example, in response to one of my submissions he wrote:

“I knew Leon Eisenberg—admired him—look at his CV. I cannot believe that he would want to be considered a mere psychopharmacologist.”

After researching Dr. Eisenberg’s biography, I wrote back, “I took your advice. You were obviously correct in pointing out that the man was much more than just that.” I included an article from Harvard’s FOCUS Online which I thought Dr. Spiro might enjoy . Dr. Eisenberg’s story about the schlemiel was priceless.

Sometimes Dr. Spiro and I exchanged correspondence on matters of medical practice as well. Once, I discovered an article that referenced a paper of his. I sent him the link with a few observations:

“Reading through this review, I couldn’t help but think that you would enjoy it. As it turned out, you were mentioned toward the end of the article.”

‘Stress,’ the American gastroenterologist Howard Spiro writes, ‘increases vulnerability’ to other ulcer-causing agents ‘like H. pylori’. Medical fascination with bacterial causation has, he says, resulted in culpable neglect of the roles of the mind, the emotions and the dietary and behavioural patterns of everyday life. (A Modern History of the Stomach: Gastric Illness, Medicine and British Society, 1800-1950 by Ian Miller)

Dr. Spiro was obviously pleased: “Thanks, glad I am remembered! I worked on stress in the 1940′s, thanks to Selye’s idea of the ‘alarm reaction’ and published my first medical papers back then.”

In turn, I wrote back: “Perhaps my perspective is somewhat skewed, but it seems to me that precious few specialists seem to be able (or willing) to relate to such patients on a humane level these days, a demonstration of the lost art of medicine.”

Dr. Spiro’s assessment: “Boy, are you right! When I was young, we talked to patients. Lab data and images were scanty. Since 80% of patients get better with time and the right hand of fellowship, the clinician counted. But that will return after disenchantment spreads.” He had entitled this reply I-Thou.

On a professional level, Dr. Spiro was supportive of my clinical practice as a physician assistant. He strongly advocated for the advancement of “mid-level practitioners” as he called us, feeling that we were the answer to the primary care clinician shortage problem. “The expertise you demonstrate in the way you care for your patients is evident in your writing,” he wrote. “I argue with my colleagues, many of whom feel that medical practice should be regarded as the exclusive domain of the physician.”

“As you may know—or more likely may not—for the last 20 years I have been pushing the idea that physician assistants or nurse-practitioners should be doing pediatrics and general internal medicine. Very few in the internal medicine business agree.”

“Your enthusiasm, amity, empathy for your patients—and your prolific writing skills—continues to reassure me that physician extenders—if I can call you that—should constitute our general docs and pediatricians. It’s a canard that they will not recognize serious problems! I keep wondering why you do not talk about that—or maybe you do, indirectly, or in other places.”

This past fall Dr. Spiro wrote that he would be traveling to Arizona to give a medical humanities presentation at one of the medical schools there. “I would like to use you as an example of a clinician who not only practices humane medicine, but writes about it well. Send me a copy of your CV. I imagine you to be somewhere around 45, give or take.”

I sent him my résumé with the caveat that he was off on my age by more than a decade. “Hah! You write with the vigor of someone in his early thirties,” he quipped.

Toward the end it was evident that Dr. Spiro was becoming a bit forgetful. When the name of George Bascom resurfaced in one of our e-mail exchanges, he wrote: “Tell me again how you knew him.”

“It was you who knew him personally,” I wrote back. “I only knew him through his poetry. In any event, he was a fine mensch who continues to influence clinicians from beyond the grave.”

“If you didn’t know him personally, a word like mensch—which I take to be a personal assessment—might be out of place,” he replied. The response stung.

I took a deep breath and typed out a reply. “According to the dictionary, a mensch is someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character. It’s meant as a compliment to highlight the rarity and value of that individual’s qualities.”

I suppose those words might just as well have been written to describe Dr. Spiro himself.

Howard M. Spiro, M.D. (Photo credit: Peter Casolino Photography, New Haven, CT)

“Notes from a Healer” — Flu Shot

It was just a short visit for a flu shot. Short and sweet, filled with impromptu reflections on the human condition—something of value that we aren’t taught in our years of training, these seemingly insignificant snippets of conversation that ultimately serve to cultivate caring relationships in medical practice.  more»

My latest installment of Notes from a HealerFlu Shot — is now online, newly published in the Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine.

The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine is an online journal fostering discussion about the culture of medicine, medical care, and experiences of illness. Interested readers can access a list of editorial board members and regular contributors here.

Twin Brothers: a novel relationship

When I read the story of the twin brothers who had entered the Franciscan order to spend their lives in service to their fellow monks and subsequently died on the same day, I couldn’t help but think of the twin boys Esteban and Manuel, Thornton Wilder’s characters in his 1939 novella The Bridge at San Luis Rey.

Wilder writes: “They became vaguely attached to all the sacristies in town: they trimmed all the cloister hedges; they polished every possible crucifix; they passed a damp cloth once a year over most of the ecclesiastical ceilings….When the priest rushed through the streets carrying his precious burden into a sickroom either Esteban or Manuel was to be seen striding behind him, swinging a censer.”

According to the New York Times article, Brother Julian and Brother Adrian were workers, preparing the altar for chapel, chopping wood for kindling, exulting in ice cream at the Twist & Shake — the identical Riester twins were together, always.

“As they grew older, however, they showed no desire for the clerical life.  They gradually assumed the profession of the scribe.”

To dismiss the twins as blank slates would be to misjudge them; their simplicity had depth. Rarely speaking of yesterday, they lived in the God-given now.

“Because they had no family, because they were twins, and because they were brought up by women, they were silent.”

Here, then, were two shy men, surrounded by scholars, discouraged from speaking, uncertain what to say if given the chance, and yet confident that this was their calling.

“There was in them a curious shame in regard to their resemblance….From the years when they first learned to speak they invented a secret language for themselves, one that was scarcely dependent on the Spanish for its vocabulary, or even for its syntax.  They resorted to it only when they were alone, or at great intervals in moments of stress whispered it in the presence of others.”

Brother Julian became the sacristan, maintaining the chapel, and Brother Adrian became the chauffeur, but they also built the bookshelves and maintained the garden and cleared the growth from the shrines in the woods — and rarely spoke unless invited.

“This language was the symbol of their profound identity with one another, for just as resignation was a word insufficient to describe the spiritual change that came over the Marquesa de Montemayor on that night in the inn at Cluxambuqua, so love is inadequate to describe the tacit almost ashamed oneness of these brothers.  What relationship is it in which few words are exchanged, and those only about the details of food, clothing and occupation; in which the two persons have a curious reluctance even to glance at one another?”

If they quarreled, Brother David said, “It would be over the measurement of a piece of wood.” And even then, it would be done silently: a slight cock of Julian’s head, to suggest that he didn’t agree with Adrian’s calculations.

“And yet side by side with this there existed a need of one another so terrible that it produced miracles as naturally as the charged air of a sultry day produces lightning.”

The Rev. Canice Connors, a Franciscan who spent a restful summer at the friary, became enchanted by the guileless twins, who seemed to embrace a deeper, ego-free reality.

“All the world was remote and strange and hostile except one’s brother.”

When Manuel dies from an infected cut on his knee, Esteban takes on his identity and tries to make sense of the world.  But his efforts are in vain.  He can no longer exist without his soul mate.  He perishes in the collapse of the bridge of San Luis Rey.

Brother Julian and Brother Adrian died on the same day.  At 92 years of age, they died within hours of one another in keeping with a quiet life of doing most everything together at St. Bonaventure.

Brother Julian died in the morning and Brother Adrian died in the evening, after being told of Julian’s death. Few who knew them were surprised, and many were relieved, as it would have been hard to imagine one surviving without the other.

“We ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.”

Show me the way to go home

Like ghosts, late-morning mists hovered momentarily over the mountain, winding their way upward to lose themselves in the low-lying clouds. Up on the ridge the old tower stood stately firm, a shell of its former glory. We wound our way along the river road, the pavement still glazed from morning rains.

Down the interstate we flew, making the Pennsylvania border in record time, then coasted into Milford, where we turned southwest to begin the descent through the long green valley. Off to our left through the trees we caught glimpses of the grey Delaware. A wild turkey strutted through the brush; an oriole darted across the road into the trees. A short detour twisted through a stand of dense forest.

We turned off at Smithfield, picking up the shortcut that my uncle had told us about decades ago. Shortly, we glided over the crest of the hill and dropped down into the old town. We pulled into a parking space, crossed the street and slipped inside the church just in time to catch my cousin’s eulogy, the prayers, the creed, and a few familiar hymns from long ago.

The graveside interment was brief. The hillside lay dotted with flags freshly planted for the Memorial Day remembrance. We returned to our cars and headed out to the banquet facility on the hill.

I met my cousin at the entrance. “It was a good talk,” I told him.

“I almost didn’t get through it,” he said.

“You did fine. I liked your description of what it was like when your dad would get home at the end of the day, pulling into the driveway, jingling the change in his pocket, humming some old tune.”

“It was the best part of the day for him—and for us.”

We filed inside and found our seats at one of the long tables. It had been years—fourteen, in fact—since I had sat down to break bread with my extended family, the remnant of aunts, uncles and cousins I had grown up with. I shook hands and exchanged hugs, recalling snatches of their personal histories, knowing that they knew mine. Collectively, a family grows, breaks, gathers together to bind up its wounds and moves on.

We ate and reminisced, stood and shook hands, introducing ourselves to the younger set we hadn’t seen in years. Finally, before dessert, we sat to sing my uncle’s favorite, “Show me the way to go home.”

It was a shorter drive back up the valley to the interstate. Despite patches of heavy fog and steady rain along the extensive stretch of darkened highway, we navigated our way through the night back home.

Humane Medicine — The year of the great-grandmother

“It’s been a tough year,” she says. “I’ve got my mother living with me now. I didn’t think it would be quite like it turned out. She’s 85, and with frontal lobe dementia, she requires constant care. But what can I do? She’s my mother. And then there’s Meg—I’ve still got Meg at home. You remember Meg—”  more»

Interested readers can now access my latest Humane Medicine columnGenerational Medicine: The year of the great-grandmother — recently published in the Journal of the American Academy of Physician Assistants.