Sitting here in limbo

A fitful night: somehow I just couldn’t get comfortable. I suppose I should have taken a pill for pain, but I had little pain. Sleeping is difficult when you have to wrestle two heavy casts beneath the blankets.

Today the sky is overcast; it looks like rain. I might have guessed as much from yesterday’s high wispy cirrus clouds. Somehow today’s grey morning sky dulls my senses and fogs my outlook.

After breakfast I plug the CD that a musician friend brought me into my laptop and lean back in the overstuffed chair by the bed to listen. Otis Redding laments his lot while sitting on the dock of the bay; an unknown artist spins the sad tale of what happened that fateful night in Amanda’s Café in Sonora; and then suddenly Jerry Garcia’s raspy voice breaks in over the intertwined notes emanating from finger-plucked strings—

Sitting here in limbo, but I know it won’t be long.
Sitting here in limbo, like a bird without a song.

There are times when the mood of a recording artist’s voice dovetails with your own. There are times when the music and lyric of a song resonates with your soul. Perhaps it’s the weather outside; perhaps it’s the season of the year. Perhaps it’s the fact that two of my limbs are resting at my side, temporarily useless, as I sit here in limbo, a prisoner in my upstairs garret.

Sitting here in limbo, waiting for the dice to roll.
Sitting here in limbo, got some time to search my soul.

I sit and listen to the words, gently carried along by the music. I could have written these lyrics myself, so closely can I identify with them.

I don’t know where life will lead me, but I know where I’ve been.
I can’t say what life will show me, but I know what I’ve seen.

Just yesterday a friend e-mailed me the words of the philosopher Giambattista Vico: “One truly understands only what one creates.” Perhaps that is true. Yet today, listening to this song this morning, it seems as though I can understand the very depths of Jerry Stratton’s words completely.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the tide to flow.
Sitting here in limbo knowing that I have to go.
Well they’re putting up resistance, but I know
that my faith will lead me on.

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