She was rough-cut, a girl of the streets, small but wiry; she’d mouth off to anyone or anything that got in her way. No object was too big for her to tackle; she took no guff from any other living thing.

And yet, she had a tender side, too; albeit one that took a great while to surface. Man or animal, when you have suffered years of untold abuse, it takes a long time and a lot of unconditional love to surmount the hurt. She knew almost immediately when she had transgressed a trust and readily rolled over in submission. Subsequently, she loved to lie on the settee to be idly stroked by whomever sat in contemplative solitude.

Like all of us, she had her bad habits, moments when reason gave way to outright rage; and many a morning solicitor regretted ringing the doorbell or rapping on the front door. Shamelessly, she begged tidbits from the table, dutifully making her rounds until she found the softest heart willing to sneak her a morsel below the cloth.

She loved to be out exploring on an early morning walk; an afternoon saunter by the river was equally pleasant. Her floppy ears, one brown, one white, would bounce in unison as she padded down the street. Intelligent, she would readily sit and offer a forepaw when asked, then wait patiently for a tasty reward.

She played aggressively with stuffed toys, snapping them back and forth in her mouth as if to break their spineless backs; but there was hell to pay for the individual who might attempt to extricate the toy from her teeth.

She adopted any number of stuffed animals as though they were her own offspring, gently cuddling them in her paws, resting her chin on their heads. No human mother was ever more possessive of her children. Jealously, she guarded the bed of any family member she slept with, growling at the approach of another — until it was time for her morning walk and feed.

We did not know what demons possessed her until the very end, when one afternoon without warning she began to pace the kitchen floor in smaller and ever smaller circles, oblivious to her surroundings. She whined and whimpered, pressed her head against the side of her bed, refused to acknowledge our attempts to soothe her discomfort.

A Friday evening wild drive to emergency care resulted in the final diagnosis: some sort of “central neurological event,” most likely a brain tumor.

The palliative care was brief: she didn’t respond to a cocktail of steroids and sedatives; and eighteen hours later we once again returned to the house of healing for her final exit. She died in her mistress’s arms, the young doctor kneeling at her feet, her master looking silently on in untold horror and grief, understanding everything and yet comprehending nothing in the same moment of briefly elapsed time.



3 comments on “Jackie

  1. Bill Harris says:

    When my last dog reached the same point in his long life, he clearly no longer experienced the joy and pleasure that life with us had provided him for many years. He approached that final day with great dignity and complete trust that the humans around him would make the right decision for him when he was unable to do so.

    Would that we provided the same compassionate care to humans at the end of their lives. It is admirable that your vet did not encourage fruitless, expensive, and wasteful tests and treatments in a hopeless venture to prolong death and suffering. Would that we had the same level of empathy for our fellow humans.

  2. daverls54 says:


    Good post! Very evocative and well written. That last sentence is a real winner. It’s fumy how pets wangle their way into our hearts.

    All my sympathy,



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s